If you think you’ve ever been to a Renaissance Festival in your life we would like you to take a moment and really ask yourself, “But have I REALLY been to a Renaissance Festival?”
After attending the “World’s Largest Ren-Fest,” which is apparently held in Minnesota, we can say we have experienced Ye Olde Times for the following reasons:
Exhibit A) There is a permanent village on over 100 acres where this Medieval Madness takes place. And when we say permanent, we mean actual Disney World-esque structures that stay up year round (and probably house hibernating animals and bums during the winter).
Exhibit B) It’s tough to tell who is working at the Renaissance Festival and who is there because they like to play dress up. There is also another category of people who believe they are actually living in the Dark Ages. This category by far had the most people in it.
Exhibit C) You not only have the ability to buy, sell, or win real weapons, you also have the ability to pay money to throw actual tomatoes as hard as you can at actual human beings…while the recipients of the tomatoes maliciously attack your character in front of a large crowd. (These personal attacks would have made Daniel Tosh proud.)
Exhibit D) Real jousting! (Which we missed.) Real giant turtles! Fake accents! (Galore.)
Exhibit E) 5 out of 10 “fair maidens” were actually fair maidens for a reason. (A number that was actually pretty decent compared to 9 out of 10 for all other Ren-Fests.)
Exhibit F) It wasn’t held at Iowa Western Community College.