– Lets be honest, it’s a never-ending saga when you are a Stein and own an automobile. This is a fact K is still trying to wrap her mind around because she’s more into novellas. So, what’s the most recent development? Time to set the scene! –
It was the 13th year of the 21st century. November. Just north of Minneapolis. Windy and cold, with a chance of problems.
As the morning sun was just starting to peer over the horizon, The Dude decided it was time to eat. After a few minutes of whining, T got up to see if the beast was actually having a bathroom emergency. He was not…he was simply making it known that he was hungry and hungry now. This was at about 6:30am, roughly 15 minutes before K’s alarm was to set to go off. Reluctantly, she rose from the depths of her comforter to put The Dude outside and fulfill his eating requirements. T went back to bed. And then, this normal Tuesday turned into a morning that would make Jay-Z think about re-writing “99 Problems.”
Roughly 10 minutes later, T was awoken by this sound…”The sink is broken. Get up and help me.” And no, it wasn’t said with a soothing tone. Startled, T got up, put on his fictitious expert plumber cap and prepared to assess the situation. Apparently the time it took for a German shepherd to eat a bowl of dry dog food was the exact amount of time it took a human woman to dismantle the underparts of a kitchen sink.
The explanation K gave was as follows: “It’s broken, so you either need to call a plumber or go to Home Depot.” K had taken a lesson straight out of the Stein handbook…”the less information you provide the better.” And while T had plenty of questions, the first of many being, “What the hell happened,” K was not in an explaining mood. If T asked any questions, arson was not out of the realm of possibility. So, at 7:30am, T set out for Home Depot, prepared to buy some PVC pipe to band-aid the problem. Now, as a youth, T had grown up playing “Marble Madness” quite often at his grandparents’ house, so he was confident that he could fit some plastic pipes together in a somewhat functional fashion. This confidence faded as he entered the plumbing aisle in Home Depot. (Just as a Fun Fast Fact to keep in your back pocket, don’t ask the paint department guy for help in the plumbing aisle.) 20 minutes and two workers later, T had managed to grab enough parts that resembled the sink to return home.
Upon his return home, he found K and The Dude standing in the driveway. It was tough to tell if you could see K’s breath because of the cold, crisp air, or because she was breathing fire. T, ready to show off his purchasing skills, parked the truck. That was his first mistake. Had he been smart, he would have just kept driving until he ran out of gas.
“My car won’t start,” K said, still not using a soothing tone. “I’m done with today,” she said as she dropped her keys at T’s feet and walked into the house.
T made a quick assessment of this situation. “Battery issues,” he thought, because that was about the only thing he knew how to fix. So, as The Dude went back into the house, K reemerged, ready to “help” with the jump start. After T hooked up the cables semi-correctly (who uses the engine block to ground things?), they tried K’s Jeep. No luck. T had a plan, though. There was a lot of corrosive battery acid on his own battery for reasons that were unknown to the entire universe. But, if he could saw through enough of the battery corrosion on his own truck’s positive post, it still might work. Quickly, using the clamp of the jumper cable, he shaved off the blue poison that surrounded his once mighty battery. Then, he said those three famous words all make-shift mechanics have uttered. “Try it again.”
This time, K’s car fired right up and started purring like frozen weed-whacker. While the Jeep was warming up, K decided it might be best to call the car place and get a new battery, especially with a 400 mile holiday trip happening in 36 hours. So, at 8:15am, K was finally headed to work…by way of the auto shop. The sink remained dismantled.
Eventful? Sure. But here’s the real twist in this plot…T didn’t have the heart to tell K that his truck took three tries to start when he left for Home Depot that morning.
Irony for the audience. Foreshadowing for the players. A good saga has it all.
To be continued…