~”T, are you on your way home? We have a problem here.” Just the type of phone call that any husband wants to receive at the end of a long day at work, especially with a pregnant wife at home.~
The afternoon started out just like any other day. I arrived home and took the dog for a walk, as per our usual routine. After a few minutes playing with a stick in the front yard while I grabbed the mail, I called Dude to head inside for supper. At this moment, I saw a terrified look in the dog’s eyes and he started gagging and pawing at his face.
“Hmm, that’s weird,” I thought. Then it hit me. “Oh shit, there’s a stick stuck in the dog’s mouth or throat and T isn’t here to save the day. I’m going to have to put on my big girl pants (which are different from maternity pants) and rescue this damn dog.”
As I scrambled into the house to remove my jacket, scarf and cardigan to prep for the dog rescuing procedure, I stepped directly into the pile of poop that was leftover from an earlier bathroom break…which was awesome. Off to a good start.
After quickly getting the dog onto the deck, getting my shoes semi-wiped off and discarding the extra clothing, I was ready to operate. The dog was still gagging and trying to dislodge the stick from his mouth and I was desperately trying to stick my hand in his mouth to relieve him. As time went by, each of us was panicking more and more. So, picture this snapshot in time; my boot was still covered in shit and my hands were now covered in dog saliva and blood…even more awesome. The Dude was gagging even more now, not happy with my relief efforts.
“If this dog even starts to throw up, I’m going to lose my grip here. T is going to find us both covered in saliva and blood, crying and puking on the porch when he gets home.”
Finally, after the longest 8 minutes of my life, Dude was able to get the stick un-wedged from the top of his mouth.
Meanwhile, T was frantically driving home and trying to reach me via cellphone. I, of course, was not answering because I was up to my elbows in dog bodily fluids. He pulled into the driveway at light speed and came running into the house to find a happy Dude eating dog food and a not-so-happy wife preparing human dinner.
And that was Thursday evening in the Stein household.