Daycare is hard. Not just for the kids/instructors/pocketbook, but for Dad too. And, being the lucky one that gets to drop Mr. Q off in the morning, I feel like there are some things I’ve learned over the last few weeks that can help the new dads of the world out there. Maybe.
1. You will forget something…just make sure it’s not the kid.
2. The dog can watch the kid while you start the car…because that’s a better option than playing freeze-out with a small person you’re tasked with keeping alive until the end of time.
3. Boob juice (a.k.a. boob juice) can unknowingly fall out of bottles on the two minute car ride, so make sure you have an empty McDonald’s bag handy to mop up the spill.
4. It will take a week before you realize that you’re the jackass that gets the floor dirty at daycare because you’re supposed to take your shoes off at the classroom door when you arrive.
5. You get very good at pressing the automatic door button with limbs that aren’t attached to your upper body.
6. When you describe your child’s mood when you arrive, you should use a different adjective everyday. (ie: regal, content, jovial, maleficent)
7. You will feel like a terrible person if you tell the staff goodbye but forget to tell your kid.
8. On your first day, you will look around the room, immediately judge the “competition” of other babies, and then internally declare them to be inferior to your own offspring.
9. Upon seeing the amount of stuff in the classroom, you will become concerned about the amount of stuff you will be acquiring in the not-too-distant-future BUT will take solace in the fact that you also want to play with just about everything in said room.
10. You can’t escape that “I’m continually paying a bunch of people I don’t know to care for my child” feeling.
11. To live your newfound “one day at a time” motto, you’ll make it through your work shift by thinking of your kid’s smile at least 16 times. (But that number can fluctuate…up to 1,000,000)