Exhibit H: I skipped the normal shower and was getting dressed when I heard multiple crashes followed by crying. I ran out to the living room, my dad bod on full display, and saw Q on the back of the couch, with H nowhere to be found. Then I noticed the lamp was knocked over, along with a picture frame. H was lying on the floor behind the end table, screaming bloody murder. When I found her, she looked at me with eyes that said, “That hurt,” while simultaneously saying, “What the hell just happened?” As most Super Dads do in situations like these, I moved at the speed of light to help, yanking her up by one leg and one arm as fast as I could, which may or may not be the recommended way to pick up someone who is stuck behind an end table. Immediately, I checked to see if there was any damage to her beautiful face, but luckily she was in one piece.
“What happened? What happened!” I asked Q.
“Hazel fell off backwards,” he replied.
What he failed to mention was that earlier in the morning, I caught him standing on the back of the couch and had asked him not to do that. (Though I was impressed by his balance and sense of adventure.)
“Were you standing on the back of the couch again and then H did it and fell?” I asked, knowing full well what the answer was going to be. Q shook his head…up and down. Since he told the truth, I kept my cool, explained why I didn’t want him to stand on the back of the couch even though he could do it without falling, and thanked him for his honesty. This all happened in about 30secs. 30secs after that, H was fine. 30secs after that, Q picked up the lamp and picture. That was a win in my book.
The moral of the story: We all survived another morning without Mommy and this will not be added to the list of “Bad Dad Moments.” This one wasn’t my fault.